Christ Almighty. So I guess this is the year-ender. That's cool, there's a lot in here I wanna leave in 2022, which has actually been a pretty sick year for me. But when it wasn't, it sucked. I was dropping approximately a song a month (POSSUMZ was delayed a month) at the top of the year, and then I hit a wall. Something didn't feel right after I dropped BIG TYKES. I got sorta bummed 'cause I knew it wouldn't be as loved as POSSUMZ, and then it wasn't, and I don't know what happened. That was only part of the problem, though. I'm not one to get bogged down for long, so I proceeded to the next song, but it didn't pan out the way I wanted it to. The next song got scrapped, and for months I tried recording the follow up to BIG TYKES only to find that shit was just not working. And when I say "the follow up", I'm talking about multiple songs. Nothing stuck. It was like I lost my super power or some shit. This feeling was only helped by the fact that I made many instrumentals in the interim. But a beat is not a song to me. I'm not in the business of making beats, I make music. Entire songs. So I felt shitty about the fact that so much time was passing without releasing any. That's where the energy of this song comes from. It's about me being in a fucking rut and struggling to climb out of it. About feeling guilty and useless and unworthy. And rejected by the art form that has given me so much. It was like I wasn't allowed to participate. Like I couldn't make music because I didn't deserve to or some shit. Like I had been cut off from the fount of inspiration and ability that allows any artist to make shit. Luckily, I'm a fuck that try hard nigga, so I just kept throwing shit at the fucking wall and hoping something would stick. Eventually, it did. I've had the instrumental since fucking May. I was listening Lowertown a lot and was really taken by Olivia O.'s "Great Big Nothing" EP. Just for fun, I wanted to make something that instrumentally could have been on that project. I'm pretty sure I missed the mark, but I think that's the best way to reference a song. This is my third attempt at writing this song, like I said shit wasn't working. But that's the process. And third time's definitely the charm. See you next year.

Your friend, confidant, co-conspirator,

Clyde